Ask a Lady: How to pick up a woman in a bar

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Ask A Lady - How to pick up a woman
Ask a Lady is a new column on Indochino Review written by Sara, a woman, who knows what she is talking about

The bar scene is a great place to meet women, but there's also a lot of competition from other men who are looking for the same thing as you. So how do you stand out while still being yourself? Forget what you've already heard. Before you make your move, increase your chances for picking up a woman in a bar by trying the following tips. 

Choose the right bar

Many of the best tips for picking up a woman at a bar start before you even get there. You can find the type of woman you want at a bar, you just have to know where to go. For example, some bars are invaded by drunk college women, others cater to an older clientele. There are bars that are pick-up spots for one night stands, and others that usually have women who are interested in something more. In this case, bar reputation is big. 

Mentally prepare yourself

As crappy as rejection is, it happens, and it's important to prepare yourself ahead of time. If you go into a bar thinking you're the hottest thing since Fireball Cinnamon Whisky, you're not only going to come off cocky, but should you get rejected, you're going to feel defeated. Go in there psyched out, and you're going to come off unsure of yourself and less likely to make a move. Know that not every woman is going to be into you like you're not going to be into every woman. That's just the way it goes. Walk into the bar with a “whatever happens” attitude and you'll go a long way. 

Dress to impress

Always dress to impress when you go to a bar whether it's your local dive or an upscale place. This means no stained or ripped shirts or sneakers that look like you've been wearing them for years. Try to always opt for wearing a button down as it's appropriate for any bar, and pair it with either jeans or slacks depending on what bar you go to. 

Skip the pickup lines

Any woman who has ever gotten a pick-up line can smell them a mile away, and they make you look absolutely ridiculous. The best tip? Say hello. Seriously. Often, that's all it takes. Try something like, “I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to come over and say hi to you.” One of two things will happen: She'll either make an excuse to get out of there, or say “No, I don't mind at all.” Either way, you'll know where you stand.

Be yourself

“Well what if she doesn't like me?” Well then that's too bad for her, isn't it? Ask her non-invasive questions, talk about what you like, and converse while looking for signs of a common interest. You want a woman who likes you just for who you are, not someone who wants the idea of you. 

Talk away from her friends

If you stand there trying to talk to a woman while her friends are surrounding you and eyeing you up and down, you're going to feel incredibly awkward. Ask to go off to a nearby table or off to the side where you can talk and actually talk  without prying eyes. However, keep her in eye distance of her friends so you don't freak her out. 

Don't be a jackass

Frankly, there's no other way to put it then to say don't be a jackass. Every man knows how he's been a jackass in the past, so whether it was telling a woman she “has a nice rack” or you hit on one woman and when she turned you down you hit on her friend, don't do it. 

Don't make a physical move

You may want to kiss her then and there, but hold off. Show her you're not all about getting in her pants (unless, of course, that's what you're looking for that evening). Ask her for her phone number, but don't plant one on her or hold her hand. Keep that for when you see her next. 

The absolute best piece of advice for picking up a woman at a bar? Be the type of person you would want her to be. Be tactfully honest, be kind, and smile. Remember those three things, and regardless of your reason for trying to pick up a woman, you'll be successful.